Homeschooling and School
« Previous Entries Next Entries »More reasons I regret giving up homeschooling
Thursday, October 25th, 2007Harry has been at school for two and a half weeks. It’s not long I know but I am disappointed with so many things, not regarding the school itself, which is one of the best around here, but with the educational system and problems inherent with schooling generally. These include:
- the fact that in those weeks, he has done no music or art.
- Physical Education is restricted to once a week because of the focus on literacy/numeracy requirements.
- despite having a role-play area in the classroom, Harry hasn’t used it once. Nor has he had any lessons in the forest area adjoining the school despite the head saying that both these things were used regularly in lessons.
- the teacher heard him read on the first few days, presumably to assess his reading level, but he hasn’t read to a teacher or teaching assistant for two weeks.
- there seems to be so much rough play in the playground which the teachers don’t see (some of the playground is out of sight of the teachers which seems extraordinary given that they are supposed to be looking after the children, some of whom are only four years old).
- when Harry has gone to sit on the Friendship Bench when the boys’ play gets too rough, often no-one comes to offer to play with him. A bit pointless having a Friendship Bench then really.
- when Harry has been doing work at home I have heard him say to himself on a couple of occasions, ‘I’m so stupid’ when he gets something wrong. That’s what the boys say in his class about themselves and each other.
- he has been made fun of when he has done work on the interactive whiteboard.
- the parents were called in to a recent meeting to explain how the work was being stepped up after half-term to meet literacy/numeracy requirements. The showed us what they would be doing and what sort of homework Harry would be expected to complete daily. It all looked so boring, I felt my heart sink.
- although there have been one or two instances of exciting work, Harry has frequently complained the work is boring - copying writing off the board and the like. Get ready, my son, because clearly it’s only going to get worse.
- he says (but I have to take this with a pinch of salt because I didn’t see it and I find it hard to believe - although not impossible as you will see) that he has been punched by the other boys in his class in the playground ‘because he is the new boy’. More likely he is just involved in the fights going on. He seems drawn to the more exciting looking boys but then wonders why he finds it all a bit rough. How to explain to seek out the quieter children? (I know there are one or two).
- most worryingly, at home his behaviour has been violent: he has punched Matthew in the back and hit me in the stomach. When we talk to him about it he says that’s how it is at school and he needs to be able to punch and hit. The trouble is, I believe him. Obviously we tell him that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable at home but it really concerns me that, at five years old, he feels he has to be so physical in order to be able to cope with the playground. It’s marginally better than being pushed around, like he was when he first started school last year, but still. I understand that boys need to exert energy and much of that is done through play-fighting and real fighting and Lord knows I see enough of it between my two eldest boys, but this kind of violence is on a completely different level. He has now been on half-term break for a week and although he has been poorly with croup he is only now just becoming more like the boy he was before he started back at school.
All these things are in addition to the tiredness, lack of concentration, socialization problems and nightmares (not about school, but curiously he hasn’t had a single nightmare during the half-term break) I have already posted about and the underlying feeling that I have made the wrong decision.
Like most parents, I want the best for my children. I think I can overlook almost all the problems with schooling except the violence bit. I’m not seeking reasons to homeschool again, but I will take him out of school again if I need to.
Subscribe Via Email OR
Subscribe Via RSS
OR
13 Comments »
Posted in Homeschooling and School
When school means tiredness, having problems concentrating and socialization problems
Thursday, October 18th, 2007My son has two teachers for his class. One is lovely: approachable, friendly and smiley. The other is a bit more gruff: no-nonsense and a bit matronly in her approach. Although they are different, I hoped that, together, they would be a good fit for Harry and the way he learns.
The first teacher took the opportunity at a recent class meeting to fill me in on Harry’s progress. ‘He’s doing really well, has settled in nicely, made friends and is ahead in his reading, although he struggles to maintain interest when he is writing,’ she told me. This was pretty much how I had imagined him to be getting on, knowing his academic strengths and weaknesses and hearing his version of how things were going at school.
When school broke up for the half term break I asked his other teacher how he had been getting on in her classes and whether there was anything she felt he was behind in that we could work on over the half-term break.
‘Well he seems so tired,’ she sighed. ‘In the afternoons he often struggles to concentrate and he seems to think he can opt-out of activities if he wants.’ She paused. ‘He obviously isn’t used to working so hard,’ she said. Her meaning was unmistakable: he’s been homeschooled and he’s had it easy. I wanted to correct her but she went on, ‘And he’s struggling with the socialisation issues, but you’d expect that wouldn’t you?’
I waited, but in the absence of any further explanation I could only assume she was referring to him being homeschooled.
‘He was at preschool until last term,’ I offered into the waiting pause.
‘Yes, but it’s getting used to such a big class,’ she countered. I didn’t tell her that the class size had been the same.
‘He seems to have made friends. Are there other socialisation issues? Perhaps I could talk to him about them,’ I suggested, envisaging him not being able to play appropriately with the other children or something.
She searched for something to say. ‘It’s a subtle thing,’ she said dismissively.
I’m trying really hard to be positive about this. Harry is happy there. He has made friends. He seems to tolerate the class work as much as any energetic five year old can be expected to. He is not behind in academic ability and therefore causing her extra work or bringing her class results down. I haven’t got her offside personally in any way as this was the first time I had spoken to her apart from brief hellos in a busy classroom.
So I will talk to him about how he must do what his teacher asks him to. And if he’s tired, well he already goes to bed at 6.45pm and has a twelve hour night (barring nightmares he has been having again since he started back at school). Hell, I feel tired and have difficulty concentrating in the afternoons but at least I can have a cup of coffee.
But I don’t have anything else to go on. Whatever socialisation issues he has, I guess all I am expected to do is wait and see how he gets on after half term.
It’s frustrating.
Subscribe Via Email OR
Subscribe Via RSS
OR
5 Comments »
Posted in Homeschooling and School
Why homeschooling did and didn’t work for us
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007A very big thank you to everyone who emailed me after I reached such a low point last week. Many of you were surprised that Harry has gone back to school and were worried that I had rushed into the decision.
I did rush into the decision. I was full of doubt making it. I am still full of doubt and still sort-of regretting it. Especially since Harry came home yesterday saying he had burst into tears in the dining hall at lunchtime because it (by which I think he means the noise) was frightening.
Harry is at a near-ish state (in the US this means public) school. It’s a good school with a really nice atmosphere. I tried to get him in there last year after removing him from school but they were full. I’m now waiting for confirmation that they can take William starting in January. We don’t fall in the catchment area so they have no obligation to take either of the boys but I think William will get in. I hope so because the school run is a nightmare: I have to go one direction for Harry and then the other way for William’s preschool. I’m not sure that William should start in January but if I wait until next September there may be no place for him and then I am back to homeschooling. Besides, he says he’s ready: he wants his PowerRanger toy and his interesting packed lunches.
I sort of want to go into all the details of why I decided to return Harry to school. The first year of homeschooling is always difficult, but actually it had gone pretty well and Harry’s progress was wonderful. But I have reached rock-bottom personally after weeks of terrible sickness, Harry was refusing to do school work, I was feeling that the unschooling methods I had to use over the summer were not teaching him enough and perhaps worst of all, Ben who is a feisty, sometimes adorable, but mostly difficult twenty-one month old was being so demanding that Harry and I simply couldn’t really concentrate while he was around. Not Ben’s fault of course because all one year olds need a lot of attention but Harry’s education was suffering. Add to that the prospect of the new baby’s arrival next Spring and the fact that I will have even less time and it all felt like too much.
But if I’m honest, at five years old he could have spent the next couple of years ‘learning through play’. I don’t like the idea of five and six year olds sitting at desks learning to read and write so I would have been more than happy to see him learning through play. And more importantly, from experience, I know that spending even an hour of one-on-one time with him each day would have kept him at the same educational level as his peers. He’s so young that even two or three years of this type of learning (while I have four small children at home - by which I mostly mean the all-encompassing, dominating baby that is Ben) would have made no difference to his long term academic progress.
I could have found an hour a day.
Even after a week at school where he has settled better than I dared hope, I am racked with guilt and worries that I have made the wrong decision. I disagree with the idea of schools, period. (At least the way they are currently run. Increase the education budget and get more teachers, lower the number of children in the classes and I would feel more confident that the children could be taught in an interesting way that fostered a love of learning.) Add to that my son had a terrible time when he first started school last year. Add to that I honestly believe he would do better and learn better at home. Add to that if I could have given it a few more weeks I would have been feeling better and probably more able to cope.
But it is not all bad:
- unless they all get so attached to school that they don’t want to leave I would really like to homeschool them once the youngest is three or four. If I could get some help - someone to take Ben (and then also the baby) off my hands in the mornings - I could manage it now. I want to homeschool them, I know it works, I know I can do it.
- if it all goes horribly wrong for him, I can take Harry out of his current school and I am no worse off than I was.
- I love having the time with Ben in the mornings just to do things with him.
- I love the prospect of having both Harry and William at school all day next semester, Ben asleep every afternoon and me having that time to myself. Every day. (Even if I will spend it in a third trimester coma-like state.)
- I also love the prospect of having all four children settled happily at school, learning well and me being able to go back to work. Every day.
But then when Harry came home after his second day at school and I told him to stop messing about at supper time or else he would lose his playtime, he looked me straight in the eye and said ‘ooooh, I’m so scared.’
Yes, I can see school is teaching my boy so much.
Subscribe Via Email OR
Subscribe Via RSS
OR
4 Comments »
Posted in Homeschooling and School
The first week at school
Monday, October 8th, 2007Day One
He sobbed as I left. Reminded him of the ‘I go to big school now’ present he would get at the end of the day. Apparently he cried for a while and had to sit on the teacher’s lap for registration (how lovely is she?).
Not sure how the rest of the day went because I couldn’t get a word out of him after giving him his ‘I go to big school now’ present. An $8 PowerRanger toy and not only am I the best mother ever but he loves school now because he got a toy.
Day Two
He cried terribly when I said goodbye. Reminded him of all the exciting foods I had put in his lunch (lunch at home is a very basic affair - for school, no effort spared if it makes him want to go). Reminded him there would be chocolate buttons (sweets are mostly verboten at home) when I picked him up.
On the first day, he’d got out the smiley face I’d drawn and put in his pocket several times because he missed me. Day two? Not even once. Even after making me feel like the worst parent in the world when I left him.
Little toad.
Asked where his ‘I go to big school now’ present was for day two. Cheeky bugger.
Day Three
Forced tears. Even in my emotional state I could spot those. Did I say what a little toad he was?
Came home and for the second evening ate four plates of supper because he had ‘to grow to be able to run faster than his new friend’. School is going to get very expensive if this continues.
Day Four
Wobbly bottom lip.
Came home with stories about the activity he had done: sitting outside and drawing an oak tree and finding acorns. ‘Real ones, Mummy. We never did that in homeschool.’ I supress a grin and agree, even though we did actually. ‘See how much better school is?’ I say.
Day Five
Too many girls surrounding him for me to really say goodbye properly. Wobbly bottom lip and little worried wave as I left.
Came home with a Headteacher’s Award. I felt like bursting with pride. Over a gold sticker on a mass-produced certificate. Hugged and kissed him until he had to tell me to stop.
I’ve never seen him look more proud or pleased.
My boy. At school. Happy.
Subscribe Via Email OR
Subscribe Via RSS
OR
9 Comments »
Posted in Homeschooling and School
Day two
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007Tears on the first day are fear of the unknown. Tears on the second day are because you know how awful it is going to be.
‘I’m frightened,’ he whispers to me as I adjust his tie.
‘Oh baby, I’m sorry you’re frightened but I’m sure your teacher will look after you. And you made a friend so why don’t you play with him in the playground today?’
‘I want to go home,’ he says as the tears start to fall.
‘Let’s go and get a new reading book. Your teacher will be so impressed you’ve finished yours already,’ I say by way of distraction.
He starts to sob. ‘I want to go home Mummy. Please don’t leave me here. I want to go home.’
I give him a cuddle. ‘I know you’re upset but you’ll do some fun things today,’ I lie remembering the intense boredom I felt most of the way through school. I want to tell him he doesn’t need to be at school forever, just until the next baby is old enough not to require endless attention, but a couple of years is forever when you’re five. And, if I’m honest, I’m hoping by then he (and his brother) will love school and his friends with a vengeance.
We walk to the classroom, his crying becoming increasingly loud and desperate-sounding. Mothers look at me sympathetically as I try to calm Harry while Ben does an escaping act. A teaching assistant comes out and tries to console him but he is sobbing uncontrollably. I try to get through the door but as I push him through ahead of me other children block the doorway so I quickly wave goodbye and the teacher shuts the door to stop him as he tries to leave. I practically run out of the school so he won’t see me if the door opens and then stop in the playground and take a deep breath, feeling like the world’s worst mother.
Sometimes parenting feels like the worst job in the world.
Subscribe Via Email OR
Subscribe Via RSS
OR
1 Comment »
Posted in Homeschooling and School
« Previous Entries Next Entries »