The best way to lose pregnancy weight is, as we all know, to get a D ‘n V stomach bug. Which is mostly what I have been doing this week.

Hello, I’m Ella and I’m an emetophobe. So it’s been fun.

Not only that, but a good bout of gastroenteritis means I get to clean (read disinfect) the house from top to bottom and wash all those boys’ dirty bed sheets that I never seem to be able to wash as often as I would like.

Hello, I’m Ella and I have done eight loads of washing a day for the last four days.

Truly a fun-filled few days.

Matthew had possibly his most important meeting of the year on Tuesday, which is when I decided to start throwing up, having lovingly mopped my poorly eldest son’s brow the day before as he threw up repeatedly – and somehow obviously onto my mucuous membranes – thereby infecting me.

So Matthew gallantly cancelled his meeting and stepped up to the plate. He coped admirably but the gods were against him because Ben (see my earlier post about my irascible-yet-charming toddler) had a vile cold slowly mutating into a chest infection which made him extra-fun, Harry was peaky as he recovered from his sickness the day before and William, my accident-prone 5 year old, decided to inflict a head injury on himself by throwing himself onto the playground concrete thereby necessitating a swift exit from school and a quick trip to the doctor for treatment.

I later had to call the same doctor to ask for my first ever home visit, so sick was I and unable to cope with the little I had to do with the baby, even though that was just lie there and let him feed without throwing up on him or without breaking the news that the milk supplies had not been delivered that day.  He was unusually kind to me, the doctor not the baby (he’s not my favourite person but I hardly ever bother him for anything to do with me so perhaps he realised that all was not well) but by the time housecalls started later that afternoon I was able to cancel because I vomited for about the thirtieth time and then it stopped as quickly as it had started.

It’s taken out most of my sons’ school and most of the children’s parents too so I’m just waiting for the rest of the family to come down with it now.

Should have homeschooled just a few more weeks.

***********

The boys came home from school yesterday exclaiming about the latest rotavirus/norovirus victim at school:

William: Chloe was sick today at school, ALL OVER THE CARPET!

Harry: And it was amazing, Mummy, IT HAD AMBROSIA IN IT!

Then they re-enacted the event as only boys can do.

They even asked me if they could open a tin of rice pudding ‘to make it more realistic’.