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Sleep training: Part Two
By ella | September 11, 2008
When sleep training doesn’t work you feel like a failure as a parent. I mean how difficult can it be to get a baby to sleep, right?
When you’re sleep training, everyone else seems to be going about their business with sleeping babies in tow or, more importantly, going about their business with sleeping babies AT HOME IN THEIR CRIBS. Where they should be.
When your baby doesn’t sleep, everyone else seems to be able to go to book club and have a lovely time. Without their baby in their arms.
Everyone else’s baby is in their cot, asleep by seven o’clock and sleeping through the night.
Edward has decided that he will do things differently.
**********
On the first day I paced back and forth until he was sleepy and put him down at what I hoped was the point of no return. Which wasn’t. So I paced a little more and put him down. But, no, he wasn’t quite ready yet. So more pacing, more putting down.
For the first day it worked. Hurray!
By day two he had wised up. At the merest hint of abandonment his whole body would tense in preparation and he woke. And screamed. But I persevered and it worked. But only after a long time. A very long, long time. Meanwhile, each time I attempted this sleep training, my three older, errant children were baying for blood, food and amusement while I prayed that their rising levels of noisyness were not going to ruin the last hour spent trying to put the baby down.
So I got him to sleep. But then he started waking thirty minutes later and nothing I could do would settle him again. By the end of the day he was miserable with tiredness.
Then he started waking all through the night with fright. Suddenly my lovely, cheerful easy-going baby had become tense and worried about being separated from me.
So I stopped.
**********
So now I am faced with either doing controlled crying so as not to prolong this agony, or to co-sleep. I choose co-sleeping because I am a wimp. And because he is little and I am too soft on him. And because I know that he will sleep one day, just like my older children.
But I also know that it leaves with me a problem about how to get him to nap during the day without me. And how to get him to sleep and stay asleep without feeding him. You know, so I can get stuff done round the house. And retain some sanity instead of feeling like I want to drive off a cliff because I’m so sleep deprived. Because I’ve been here before and I know that it’s not pretty.
But he is little. And I am too soft on him.
sleepingbaby.jpeg
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Read More:
- Baby sleep and sleep training: Part One
- Teaching a baby to sleep by himself
- Reacquainting myself with my manners
- I slept so long I may almost have had a dream
- Sleep Training
Categories: Sleep
I see he likes to sleep on the sofa though…
Sorry the sleep training isn’t working. Co-sleeping can be nice though, at least when they’re young and they don’t kick you in the head, or your husband in the nuts.
As much as it is a cliche, I am a lot softer with #4 as I know he is my last. And it still all gets sorted in the end…..
mumof4s last blog post..Adoption again
I’ve only got the one, but I always thought the sleep-training would be easier with the more kids you have. What a pity I was so wrong.
Violets last blog post..Keeping my hand in
We tried so hard with our eldest to get him to sleep in a crib that it just backfired on us. Finally I gave up and he co-slept with us. Then when I had my second and third I didn’t even bother with the crib. I think I put Sofia in it for naps on occasion (she would nap on her own, so long as I nursed her to sleep) but Isobel has never slept in a crib. She’s always been with us, and probably will until she’s two, two and a half. That’s when I transitioned her big sister into her own bed and she did beautifully. Some babies sleep great on their own and others just need more reassurance that mom is near. He’ll be in his own bed one day, but enjoy this while it lasts because before you know it he’ll be off at college, bringing home his laundry on holidays!
Kristens last blog post..The DMV lives up to its reputation
Hi Ella,
I really feel for you! I love your blog and have followed it on and off for a couple of years, so here’s me finally joining in.
I have two boys and did controlled crying with the first at 9ish months, to break the habit of jiggling to sleep - he was getting way too heavy (he was over the 95th percentile for height and weight, since we’re both tall).
It worked within a night or two, but I swore I’d look for something kinder for the second.
I found the “Sleep Lady” who advocates the use of a “shuffle” where you gradually withdraw from the bedside over the period of a week or so. It sounds MUCH gentler on the baby (and parents?) than the traditional leaving-the-room method.
Her website is:
http://www.sleeplady.com/
Unfortunately she doesn’t have a lot of info on the website and you may have to buy her book (or do web searches for people who discuss her methods). I have bought the book, and found it very useful to guide me in about how much time kids tended to need to sleep at various ages and a few other things, such as using a comfort item for kids.
I did however give up on her recommendations for early risers.. my kids wake up between 5.15 and 5.45am and there is NOTHING that I can do to change that… and I have tried for days, weeks, months, consistently and perfectly!!
Oh yeah, and number two was and is a great sleeper at 16 months, so I haven’t had to use it yet. But we’re now talking about trying for number three, and I’m sure it will come in useful next time round!!
Best of luck
I cannot say how right you are!!! These other people have failed to see your point. I am going to put a link on my blog back to you ok?