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The loss of me (not that there was much to lose exactly)
By ella | May 17, 2007
So we’re back from our holiday. A week in Italy, then home, then a week in London has been a welcome change of scene. We’re back to our usual routines which has its own kind of pleasure and although the new sights and sounds were exciting for the children, they seem to do better with their usual routines. So it’s the manic morning leading up to the preschool run, followed by homeschool, followed by split lunches to accommodate three children with different schedules, preschool pickup, the relief of naptime when we do lots of reading and educational games passed off as something ‘incredibly fun’, running the children ragged at the park or at a playdate followed by the inexorable slide towards the witching hour that is suppertime and bathtime and the ratcheting towards storytime when I can hear that glass of red wine calling me from downstairs.
So we are much as we were before. I know now I’m making the right decision to homeschool Harry. Seeing him learn, thrive at home, is wonderful. I cannot and will not send him back to a school which turns him back into that frightened, tearful child we had last year. But this decision is not without cost. Pretty much all my personal projects have had to be put on hold. I simply don’t have time to do anything for myself at the moment and I have regrets about that. I’m hoping as we settle into a more relaxed form of schooling that there will be less of a ‘workload’ for me. And more interest for Harry. The pharmacist asked him today, “Are you enjoying homeschooling?” “Yes,” replied Harry and then paused. “Mind you,” he continued thoughtfully, “it is a bit boring.”
I’m also really struggling with this whole issue of socialising with other mothers. Homeschooling is extremely uncommon in the UK (I had never met or even heard of any another home educators before we took Harry out of school) and, as I mentioned before, I have inadvertently become something of a social pariah. Last year I was a yummy mummy with a child in a top school, another in a posh preschool and a baby in the McLaren stroller. I lived in the country, paid my dues by being active in the community, hell I was even a member of a book club. You couldn’t get much more middle-class than me. My children were clean, well-behaved (mostly) and invited to every birthday party going.
Fast forward to now and everything is the same except that my eldest child is no longer in school and we have been insidiously ostracised in our local community. I can see other mothers whispering about me as I pass them. My son hasn’t been invited to a birthday party in weeks. He has no real friends any more in our village: not one of his old school friends invited him over in the Easter holiday.
Sad as it sounds, I had been carving out a new role for myself as a School-gate Mother which carries lots of interaction, social activities and shared interests in an otherwise quiet, rather dull community and that has now gone. My new role as a homeschooling mother leaves me busier but lonelier.
I’m left in this kind of limbo, wondering where we go from here. Not enough homeschooled families around here (and you need a few because not everyone is going to click with you) for me and my boy and an increased need for socialisation because our school-related interactions are no longer. Harry does not want to join the local football/soccer club just yet and there is little else to do.
The schools, the social life and the community (by which I mean less nosey, judgemental neighbours) of London are calling me. I could be a proper Notting Hill yummy mummy! But have I got the strength to uproot us all and move up there? And if not have I got the strength to stay here and let things settle a bit? The decision to remove him from school was simple. But the fallout has been more difficult to deal with.
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Read More:
- Starting homeschooling
- Giving up homeschooling: starting school
- Homeschooling worries
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- Home educating
Categories: Homeschooling and School
I’m laughing at the ‘it is a BIT boring’!
Sorry to hear that the locals have closed ranks on you. I don’t wish to influence your decision but London sounds exciting!
You poor soul–how hard. It is so difficult for mothers to follow the path that you feel is right for you and your family, and you are so brave to do it. And then to end up with this kind of social pain as a result. Perhaps you can find a few more homeschool moms around, by asking the ones you do know, so you will find someone who clicks. Or maybe connect with other homeschoolers via message board or chat rooms, to provide some support while you decide to relocate or not.
Ella,
I have been homeschooling for fourteen years and am still alive and well so do not despair!!
In this busy day and age keeping up with friends is a very difficult thing to do. Unless they are actually involved on a daily or weekly basis with your life there is just no way to expect them to continue as part of your social makeup unless YOU really pursue them and work at it!!
Yes, I grow weary of being the one who has to call and extend invitations all the time…..but I have learnt that it is not because I or my family are being ignored or snubbed! I still get on really well with my non-homeschooling friends, it is just that our paths don’t cross as often as they used to.
I give great parties several times a year which have gone down in the history of my family as traditions.
Keep up the good work, your son will thank you for it later.
By the way, I am a Brit living in Texas where Homeschooling is completely legal, however, that does not mean that I have an abundance of HS friends, I just don’t seem to have THAT much in common with those folks!! When I look back over the years I discover that we have made friends slowly and carefully, one person at a time. Be patient, it doesn’t all happen at once and remember, you are the best thing since sliced bread in your children’s eyes and home school is the best school.
Vivienne
There are definitely a couple of home-schoolers near me (though by conviction rather than necesity - if that makes a difference). I think they also feel they struggle to meet other people in the same situation - but I think cities do seem to be easier than rural areas…. We’re not near Notting Hill though (sadly ;-))
PS And we do invite them round still!!!