Comments on: Motherhood vs mothering

By: Mommy's Groove

Mommy's Groove — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 19:16:35 +0000

Hi Ella - For me mothering is a verb, and motherhood is a publically defined life stage (as if it ever ends). The American magazine Mothering (www.Mothering.com) covers all fronts from the personal to the political and in my view makes mothering both a personal statement of one’s values and a practice in which we all have investment. Even with my degree in politics, I cannot see public policy having more influence than smart Mothers gathering to chat and act as is done hear. Keep us talking! Cheers!

By: ella

ella — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 11:10:11 +0000

Fiona, I don’t necessarily feel my argument is a feminist one. I am, I suppose, a feminist although more along the lines of the doctrine rather than the movement but also a firm believer that women can be involved in issues that are feminist without being feminists. Motherhood is one of those, tied up as it is with assumptions about who will care for children, what role that will take, and how that role is perceived.

I agree that it would be good to see an ‘Amazing Mrs Mother’ elected as Prime Minister!

By: Georgia

Georgia — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 10:51:50 +0000

Thanks Ella for your explanation. I have always used the term motherhood to mean the state of being a mother and mothering as the action of looking after children. I’ve also always considered motherhood to be thought of as second best in society (along with caring roles generally) and paid work to be considered more valuable. Mothers know though that motherhood is equally valuable and that someone has to raise the next generation. The government though sees someone else in this role - daycare or schools with wraparound care. The increasing emphasis that the government puts on getting mothers back to work seems to have two benefits for the economy, firstly increasing family wealth with the added benefit of decreasing some poverty and reliance on the state and secondly increasing the amount of tax paid to the treasury because one teacher or carer looking after x number of children in school or daycare while y number of mothers are at work increases economic productivity compared with mothers staying at home to look after their children. Therefore there is little incentive for the government to pay mothers in tax credits or benefits more than they already are, except perhaps as a vote winner. If the birth rate was very low it would be interesting to see what the government would pull out of its hat to encourage motherhood although that would of course be for a different reason (social security support for the future) rather than to recognise the valuable work of mothering.

Mothering, the mother-led version of raising children, which is less political, has little or no clout despite the very large numbers of mothers. As society progresses I’m amazed that motherhood is still given so little recognition but not surprised that mothers don’t have time to bring about change.

The government will spin their policies as increasing choice for mothers, allowing them to work, but at the end of the day it comes down to economics. I know we’ve talked about this in relation to the problem with schools and I will be interested to hear your views about this as regards your home educating choices.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 03:06:10 +0000

Great post! ( I am interested in why Fiona thinks that “feminism” doesn’t do the “cause” any good).

By: Fiona G

Fiona G — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 14:16:10 +0000

i haven’t commented here before though i am a long term reader. This post struck me as interesting because you seem to approach the argument for recognition for motherhood from a feminist viewpoint and I think that’s a shame because aligning yourself with feminists isn’t likely to do your cause any good. I applaude the small steps you are taking but I think the only way a revolution would occur is if we had a female prime minister who wanted to see greater recognition for mothers and i’m not sure that’s ever going to happen, although we might all be inspired by the bbc’s ‘amazing mrs pritchard’ insofar as an outsider might one day be elected to office!

By: Harriet

Harriet — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 13:57:07 +0000

Sorry to be negative but I think it would need something major to get enough mothers off their backsides and up in arms. If there were something important enough (and I’m thinking along the lines of forced contraception or something equally ridiculous and unlikely) then mothers would be a formidable force. Anything less and mothers don’t have the time, energy or commitment.

By: Olivia

Olivia — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 21:23:23 +0000

Raising children used to be much more a community affair (it takes a village to raise a child and all that) and it is only recently that motherhood has become much more isolated. I think you are on the right track by getting your children to participate in daily life and not limiting them to those places where children are expected to be. Beyond that I’m not sure how change is best effected. Top down would work if the institutions weren’t patriarchal to start with. Bottom up is limited by the lack of a unified voice. Unify us Ella and let’s see if it works!

All I know is that reading about experiences of parenting like yours makes me relieved to know that I am not the only one going through these things.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 19:38:01 +0000

I love the term mothering!

I don’t have any answers, at least not at the moment. It’s book club tonight so I’ll ask the group and report back!! Great post though. I love being made to think a bit.