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Home educating
By ella | November 9, 2006
On Tuesday I withdrew my son from school.
The day before, I phoned the head of another local school which we had been to see just before the half term break. I had bought the uniform in anticipation of Harry starting on Tuesday morning. The head was busy when I phoned and I was asked to call back. When I called back, the headteacher, who had been warm and welcoming on our visit, was short and sounded, well, annoyed. She effectively told me that my son’s problems were probably of his own making and that changing schools wouldn’t help him. I listened for seven minutes while she went through all the problems that would probably arise from Harry changing schools. When I replied that we had thought of those things but the situation had got bad enough that we wanted to move him she simply said, ‘well if you’re going to move him then I suppose it’s best to get on with it. Call me when you’ve made a decision (we already had). Goodbye.’ and hung up. I put the phone down and sat looking at it stupidly, wondering what the hell had happened. Had the boys’ fighting when we looked around the school (they were bored at the end when I was asking questions) put the headteacher off? I was totally confused.
Then with sickening certainty I knew that she must have phoned Harry’s current headteacher, Mrs L. Apart from the breach in confidentiality, this headteacher had listened to Mrs L’s explanation of what had been going on and then phoned me with her diatribe.
That evening, desperately disappointed and tearful over both schools lack of concern for my son’s welfare, Matthew and I decided that Harry would be home educated. It is unlikely any of our children will set foot in the state system again.
After I told Mrs L of our decision I received a letter from her in which she wrote: ‘over the course of my career I have come across children who cry, scream and hide at the thought of going to school when they would much rather be at home. But they need to learn that school is a safe place to be and that it’s actually fun to be here!’
I thought the exclamation point was a super added touch.
My son thought that school was so safe that he would come home and draw pictures likes this where the big boys are in grey. My son is the one in red on the right, lying on the grass, having been pushed over by the big boys. I would have told Mrs L about Harry’s nightmares when lions were attacking him in the playground except that I don’t expect she would have cared.
The last few weeks have been terrible; upsetting, stressful and filling me with anxiety. I have been tearful and angry on my son’s behalf. I just felt so passive in this whole situation (I like feeling in control although I am not a control freak, I just like to be able to feel in control and then I don’t need to be in control, see?) and I felt unable to protect my boy at a time when he needs protecting most and that the school was making me feel stupid, over-protective and a nuisance. Now we have made the decision to educate him at home I feel empowered. My son’s educational future is in my hands: that’s a scary prospect, but also exciting. I’m sure at times it will be tiring and I will wish he was at school like every other child from the village but I’m looking forward to seeing him learn and grow. He’s incredibly bright and needs challenging. Most likely he will challenge me. But most importantly I will be in control of his education, his wellbeing and his safety. I hope I NEVER again have to drop off at school every day an anxious, tearful, frightened child.
He may want to go back to school at some point and that will be fine by me because that will be his choice. He will have control over his own future, as he should.
The most intriguing aspect of all this has been about my feelings as a mother. For the last couple of years I have very much thought about life at home with small children as something to be endured until the time when they went to school and I got my life back. I was, for the most part, wishing the days away. Since we decided on homeschooling I have felt such a shift in the way I perceive my ‘job’ as a mother. Instead of waiting for the children to start school so I can reclaim my life I am now enjoying living in the present. This is my life, it is here, now. I am looking forward to having Harry at home to teach, to getting on with doing something positive with each day beyond the daily slavery of cooking, cleaning, changing nappies relentlessly. Not just a sense of purpose I suppose, but a subtle realisation that my children’s welfare is more important than anything and that I will happily do whatever it takes to realise that. I am lucky enough to be able not to have to work. They will be grown up and off to university before I am ready. These days are important and fun and I have learnt to appreciate that.
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Read More:
- How do you deal with such bad behavior in a five year old?
- How to stop bullying
- Why homeschooling did and didn’t work for us
- Bullying at school
- Bullying, girls and the darker side of boarding school
Categories: Homeschooling and School, Parenting
17 Comments
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Wow! I’m so glad you’ve made the decision to homeschool - it’ll be tough at times but fantastic in general.
I often envy those who homeschool, but I don’t know if I’m “cut out for it”… mind you, reading all the above has made me realise that it is simply a mind shift thing really.
Grrrr at those schools!!!
I’ve always wondered about homeschooling. I’ll be following your progress with interest. Good luck!
hooray that it’s all sorted! You and Harry sound so much happier.
It’s such a shame that those schools aren’t flexible enough to see the situation from any other point of view than their own, or to accept that whatever their experience, each child is individual and should be treated as such.
Whilst you may have made the choice to homeschool because of a lack of choice in the state system, it still sounds, as you say, hugely empowering. I admire you for taking “the road less travelled”.
Wow, that’s an awsome choice. I have often wished I could home school my son, but being a single mom I can not. I can’t wait to read the progress your son will make.
I’m so glad you’ve come to a decision that feels right. I’m sure there will be hard days, but you’ll all be so much happier. How horrible that poor Harry was in such a fearful and dangerous situation. You are such a good mother for protecting and rescuing him. Don’t let those proud idiots at the schools make you feel like anything less.
Yeah! I am so sorry that Harry has (and you have) been through such a difficult time, but it sounds like you are all at peace with the decision and will make it work. Your last paragraph was so passionate, so dedicated, that I know that you will make this happen for him, and Harry will be a wonderfully well-rounded and intelligent little boy, and happier than he is now. Good luck and I can’t wait to hear more!
All I can say is how those “educators” treated you is incredibly messed up.
Please look into networking with other parents who homeschool. In our country they have some kind of organization for support, so I’m sure there’s one similar to that over there!
You made the right decision! ((hugs))
I cannot fathom a school that finds a way to exclude a child. I’m sorry that you and your little one had to experience bullying by both other children and the educational system.
Good luck with your homeschooling. It is our job to protect our children; you are doing just that.
Go, Ella! I think the struggle to be proactive in the face of indifferent administrators is one of the most difficult parts of the school years. You’ve made a great decision for your little guy.
Sara, yes I am already networking. Home educating/homeschooling is a LOT less common in the UK than the US but those that do it seem to be very supportive and provide a great social network for home educated children to get together. (Thanks for your email too!)
Wow Ella. What a rough ride.
I admire you for having the self-awareness to understand that our lives as mothers are happening now. Regardless of individual circumstances, it can sometimes be tempting to focus on “someday.”
Best of luck in homeschooling! Hope you find lots of support.
That is so great, and I’m so happy for you and your family. Our son is not yet school age but we have made the decision to homeschool as well. It’s an intimidating prospect, but when I think about what goes on in schools and all the crap I had to deal with as a child, I know I’m doing the right thing by my kids. I wish great things for the school systems, but they really need a lot of work. Best wishes for you and your family. Just remember, you’ll get more done in one hour than the school could in 4. You’re going to do great!
You’ve made a brave and yet seemingly emminately sensible decision. He has been through far too much for someone his age and I - a complete stranger on the other side of the world - am very relieved to hear that he will now be with you rather than those horrible kids. I have no doubt he’ll blossom…
Wow. I admire your courage for doing this. I’m not sure, even if I honestly felt it to be in my children’s best interests, I’d feel able to bring myself to do this. Really. I’m kind of ashamed to admit that now that I think about it but… Well done.