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A little less bad tempered
By ella | October 30, 2006
Tomorrow my boy returns to school. He is in equal parts excited and frightened. I’m not sure if we are doing the right thing sending him back, even though he seems to want to go. I feel we should let him try a few more days there; I will soon know if he needs to be taken out of the school.
My youngest son, now a glorious nine and a half months, has reached a whole bunch of milestones and for that I could weep. He says ‘dog’, he is about to crawl, commando style, any minute and he has pulled himself up to a standing position. His two older brothers were early walkers and Ben has supported his weight by pushing up on his legs since the day he was born. It’s like he has said, ‘stuff this whole sitting crap when I can get up and walk.’ I have found a high calorie milk that he will actually drink, even though it is dairy and aggravates his eczema to the point where he could rip the skin off his neck if I would let him. He returns to the hospital in a couple of days and to a nutritionist shortly. The doctor is seeing him weekly because he now needs high monitoring. He faces a barrage of tests but hopefully these will shed some light on why he won’t/can’t eat.
Meanwhile I’m really struggling to keep a sense of perspective about stuff. That’s the sleep-deprivation. I know I am not doing a great parenting job at the moment. I want to be a better, calmer, happier mother to my adorable children. The baby cries too much and I sometimes resent having to hold him when I have stuff to do just so he won’t cry. He has such a temper on him too and I worry that he has developed that from the noise and irritability that often abounds in our house. Likewise he will happily co-sleep but will throw a strop if I put him in the cot. If I have to get up in the night to deal with the older boys I worry that he could fall off the bed so now I face controlled crying or similar which fills me with dread, or creating a ‘family bed’ which I suppose means a mattress on the floor. My middle son is sweet at school, always smiling, shyly happy but develops a little devil personality when he rejoins his big brother. Eldest son was lovely, responsible and fun to be with when I took him and the baby to town this morning but became silliness personified when he rejoined his his little brother and partner in crime. Perhaps with the older two back at school I will have more time to teach the baby to sleep - maybe along side me every morning between 9.30 and 12.00! - and everything else will settle down.
I’m eating cereal for supper and wondering whether I have the energy to stay up and watch Spooks, the BBC’s fine series about the secret service. With Ben nursing night and day my clothes are hanging off me as my weight drops but I just don’t have the energy to cook (or more truthfully there is no time before my date with Rupert Penry-Jones, MI5 agent and licensed to kill). So cereal and secret lust it is.
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Categories: Parenting
9 Comments
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I am so sorry that things are so awful right now. I don’t know what to say except, “Hang in there”. You are in my thoughts.
I’d opt for Penry-Jones too. Who needs food when you’ve got him, right?
never mind cooking - just get some calories into yourself, love! when i was feeding the twins, i ate about 5 big kitkats per day (nestle - yes, i know - i hate myself for it) AND drank mackesons. try to rest, eh?
xxx
Glad you are feeling a little better today. I agree with mm — calories in whatever form you and Ben can tolerate and that you enjoy! I hope your morning nap wishes come true.
I totally know that feeling — trying desperately to get anything done while you’re dealing with an upset child, a total lack of sleep, and no perspective.
I’m sorry to hear you’re in a rough spot. It’ll get better!
I’m sorry too–I saw your comment a few days back and good god, you’re right, you are hitting a wall.
It’s not a fun place to be.
You also have my sympathy re: the youngest’s weight issues. Frances never actually lost weight, but then, she was always so far below the charts that it didn’t matter, it was still a huge concern to the docs. That, too, is no fun. Good luck with everything–I hope there’s a door in that wall and it opens, soon.
I hope all goes well with school this time around. And enjoy some food in addition to the cereal!
I admire your strength in dealing with a parental situation that’s anything but routine. This may sound odd, but it’s inspiring to see someone who makes it through with such grace.
As we shepherd our own three munchkins through the trials of childhood, we feel better knowing there are others who are willing to show us the way.
You have been going through so much my dear! I pray that school goes well for your son. He is too young to have to deal with all of that. I hope they find something that works for your little guy to figure out the food eating/non-eating issue. You need a vacation from all your stress. You are holding it together though and you are such a strong woman!