On Monday the teacher and the teaching assistant had to forcibly drag my son into the classroom while I watched in disbelief that it had come to this.

I saw the head that morning. I was told that my son’s injuries were due to his ’silly behaviour’. I left with the reassurance that Harry would be watched more closely in the playground where the majority of the incidences have occurred. I also left with the resolve to have nothing further to do with such an uncaring school.

For the last three days I have been considering all the options. I’ve done and thought about nothing else. Worse, I’ve no idea what to do: I’m concerned that I’m so exhausted (the baby slept through for the first time in weeks on Monday night but I was woken at 4.55am, 5.20 and 6am by the other two who had streaming colds) that I can’t think rationally let alone make a decision of this magnitude.

There is every chance that the bullying will stop with the action the school is taking (closer supervision of Harry in the playground) but I don’t know if I can physically get him back into school. He wants to stay at the school (in theory) but he doesn’t want to go to school (in practice). There is the option to return him to his previous pre-school which he seems keen on but it is a backward step and we still have to find another school (or return him to his current school older and more confident) next September. There is another good school relatively near with a place but I’m not sure if he is simply not ready for any school where there is a big, potentially rough, playground. There is a private school further away (longer school run every day) where he would be one of eight in the class as opposed to one of twenty three. All eight in the class are boys which is not ideal. It’s very expensive. There is home education for now or the forseeable future with any or none of these options available for the future. At the back of all this is the worry that moving him might turn out to be unnecessary and that he may settle happily when/if the situation is resolved. I walked the dogs today and I could see the children playing football on the playing field and I like the idea of him being so close by. It’s a really good school. His school friends would live in the village. He and his brothers would be definitely be able to be at the same school together (not a certainty if he goes to a school outside our catchment area). But if we leave him where he is I worry about real, long-term damage to his confidence, self-esteem and willingness to go to any school if the ‘wait and see’ approach fails.

After Monday I sent him to school without too much difficulty on Tuesday while I tried to make up my mind what to do. He had a reasonable day: he was pulled around by the clothes by two classmates, hurting his hip and being pushed over. He wasn’t hurt and he didn’t cry but he was frightened. A sensitive kid unable to deal with daily ‘rough and tumble’ or insufficient supervision? I don’t know. What if he had been hurt? I thought I’d give it one more day. Instead, Harry decided to come down with chickenpox.

The week after next is half term which would be the best time to move him. So I sit here unable to decide what is best for him and unable to send him to school to see if the situation will improve. When I asked him who his friends were and he replied, ‘I’m not sure who my friends are anymore, mummy’, I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach so tight at the confusion he must be feeling. The right decision is so very important. And I’m not sure what’s going to help me make it.