Oh my! I would be upset too. Poor little fellow. Is there any other school to which he can go? Or anything you can do to stop it? Bullying is NOT ok. Someone at the school - someone important - should know what’s going on and do something. I’m very much for a no-tolerance policy on school bullying.

I would definitely make a bigger issue out of it at his school. Being pushed is one thing but coming home with visible bruises that prevent a good nights rest and bloodied lips that turn purple is another.

Oh my god, this is breaking my heart.

My 4 year old hasn’t had to go through this, as he’s in preschool til he’s 5, but I’m already worried about what my precious boy might encounter.
I always used to say that if my children were bullied then I’d take them out of school and homeschool them. But now that school is nearing closer I’m not so sure about that idea. I WANT them to go to school, but I want them to enjoy school.

Hi! I came from.. somewhere.. and I had to comment because your post is so heart wrenching. Oh, I dread the day I can no longer protect my daughter (almost two). It already breaks my heart. I’m so sorry for your lil’ man.

There’s nothing that gets me going faster than when someone hurts one of my kids–The Mother Grizzly Effect is the scientific term for it I think :). Good luck with a tough problem.

that breaks my heart!!!!

my youngest is in transitional kindergarten this year (late birthday), and just last week she said that her teacher said that after the 1st quarter, they wouldn’t be bringing their “sleep friends” for nap time anymore (stuffed animals).

Her favorite sleep friend is a dog named Muffin, and she said “but what will Muffin think if she can’t play in my backpack all day???”

she was dead serious, and I wanted to cry.

Four year olds are tiny children and should be managed at all times by their teacher. Anything less is shameful. Write to the head, they have to take it seriously then.

Wishing your boy lots of happier days ahead.

Your post made me pull out our copy of Brundibar:

The Wicked Never Win!
We Have Our Victory Yet!
Tyrants come along, but just you wait and see!
They Topple 1-2-3!
Our friends make us strong!
And thus we end our song.

of course, there is a postscript from the evil (adult) bully, but that just makes the struggle all the more poignant:
Nothing ever works out neatly
Bullies don’t give up completely.
One departs, the next appears,
And we shall meet again, my dears!

may the force be with both of you!

Oh I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. While my child isn’t yet old enough to really get in fights, even seeing her get acccidentally trampled on by bigger kids at the playground breaks my heart. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this…but lucky for him he has such a caring, involved mother who will figure out the right thing to do.

Oh, how awful. I really hope the teacher can get a handle on this. At four, that just isn’t right.

Oh, Ella, this made me want to cry. My little one has a “bad guy” at school which started last week. His teacher is very aware of the problem, and we talked to ds about what to do. Things have gotten better already (knock on wood).

It’s terrible that your child’s teacher doesn’t seem to be helping out very much. Yes, social things that go on between students is not something we educators can control well, but to allow bullying/physical hurting to happen is inexcusable on the school’s part.

This story is horrid. I really hope the teacher helps you out in some way to fix this situation. There is no way that should be happening to a four year old. It is so hard not being there all day to protect your children. Please let us know what happens! Hugs!

4 year olds should have supervision all the time. I’m so sorry you aren’ getting the support you need for this from the teacher. Does she know the frequency of your wee boy’s injuries? This was really heartbreaking to read. It’s a tough problem and I think something we all fear. i really don’t know the best way to solve it but perhaps talking to the teacher again would help, and failing any consequent measures from that to keep your child safe, thin about going to the head-teacher. A small child shouldn’t be coming home all bruised and battered each day.

This must be so hard on you. And it’s so hard to know what to do. I really hope it gets sorted out soon, for your sake, as well as your little boy’s.

Oh my gosh. I hope the teacher can nip this in the bud quickly. As moms, it is so hard to see our babies facing this sort of thing.

Oh, Ella I’m so sorry.

I fear I’m raising a future bully over here, and that’s hard in its own way too. I hope the teacher is able to intervene.

Wow. This posting really, really touched me. Thank you for confronting and sharing your feelings about such an emotional topic, one so intricately stitched into the portective heart lining of all mother’s of school-aged children.

I can’t get over the blood and bruises, though. That seems excessive for four-year-olds. Very, very excessively violent.

When my son, now 5 and in kindergarten, was bullied last year in preschool he was dragged around by his shirt and verbally bossed around, all by one child in particular. Not by a group, thankfully. Not that either is optimal, right?

At first I advised my son, Aiden, to tell the teacher about the bullying after first screaming in as loud and as crazy of a voice as he could muster from his little voicebox at the bullying perpetrator. “Scream so loud that people thing you are crazy. Just let it rip and say, ‘Don’t touch me like that!’ or whatever comes into your mind at the moment. Just let him think you are crazy and attract attention to his bullying and then he might get the picture that you aren’t gonna’ take it anymore.’”

Well, when that didn’t work I upgraded my advice to HIT HIM BACK. What happened to my pacifistic leanings? What happened to “We use our words when we’re frustrated, not our hands?”

I couldn’t take Aiden being the target of a bully any more. I told his teacher that I advised him to hit back and she wasn’t too big a fan of it.

I persisted with the teacher, the teaching assistants, the office staff and anyone else who would listen. In the end, though, it was my son whose voice came through loud and clear. In the end, it was one punch delivered by his hand into the gut of the bully that ended his troubles with being pushed, pulled and dragged around the school yard.

I’m still conflicted with my violent, yet effective in my son’s case advice, though.

Oh, this is just terrible. I am so sorry that you and your dear little guy are having to sort this out, and so early on. I don’t understand how blood and bruises can happen without the teacher noticing/intervening. It’s awful.

You commented on my similar post recently and I’m going to tell you what everyone else told me. You go into that school and DEMAND that they do something to protect your son or else you’re going to contact an attorney.

Four years old is too young to be dealing with this sort of stuff. I don’t care if it’s a boy thing or not. You entrust care of your son to those people and they are obligated to do just that. I’m fuming mad over this and I feel terrible for both of you. There’s nothing harder than watching your child suffer.

PLEASE…go to the school and make a big fuss. Demand protection. Demand zero tolerance of violence.

And keep us posted.

{{{hugs}}}

These issues are so hard. But at 4, it’s time for the teacher to step in. My daughter, a first-grader now, obviously has issues on the playground, but that’s a couple big years. They’re at the point now where they really can “use their words,” taking responsibility for their actions and their reactions. But they are still supposed to be protected at 4 … it’s the teacher’s responsibility to talk with the other family and make sure your son is safe.

You took me back to when I was in the same situation. My son was going through a lot of pain, his dad had just abandoned our family. His dad was cheating on me and immediately introduced another woman and her child to the scene. To make matters worse, he was a very shy boy. This all happened when he was in kindergarten. He suffered immensely for years at the hands of bullies.

It wasn’t until I told him to stand up and hit the kid back that the bullying stopped. He stood up to the bully in the 6th grade. The bully was shocked and never bothered him again. My son is now very sociable. He was 5 when the bullying started and it didn’t stop until the confrontation at the age of 11! The problem was that he was a target wherever we went. I thank God that he is ok now. The school was useless. I was there several times a week and it got to the point where I told the principal that I would let his siblings defend him-in a not so pretty way.

It is a very difficult position to be in. I pray that you find comfort and peace in the decision you make.

Oh Ella, my heart is just breaking for your little man, and you. I remember not long after Gabriella was born I sat in her room one night holding her, and just crying my eyes out that there would come a day that she would be hurt, or heart-broken by another person, and there would be nothing I can do about it. It makes you wish you could just keep them in a little cocoon, away from the harsh world.

I haven’t had to deal with this (yet). I will be thinking of you - I hope the school shapes up and works to fix this problem. They shouldn’t tolerate bulling at all!

Hi Ella,

I’m commenting here since the newer post is closed,but based on what you have written, and obviously not knowing any ‘backstory’ I think I would send him back to preschool for another year. He is only 4, right? At that age, I would want school to be mostly a social experience, and not a source of stress or fear.

I hope you’re able to get some rest and support so whatever decision you make feels like the right one.

Hello, I just discovered your blog and I just want to hug you! I’m sorry you are going through this. I was just commenting about this on another blog. This is sooooo hard! My son, who will eleven next week, had the same thing happen to him. He was just such a sweet and good boy. And he just couldn’t fathom fighting like that. What worked for us was moving him to a private school for a couple of years. It was very hard on us financially, but the smaller class suited him. And since we were paying we could raise holy hell if we thought there was a problem and they fixed it. My son really loved it. We have since moved him over to a public school and he is doing great. He’s still a quiet kid, but he has a lot more confidence. I am so hopeful that you feel good about his situation soon!

your poor sweet little boy! i fell like coming over there right now and giving those little stinkers my hardest fiercest look - and believe me it’s pretty fierce! my kids were both picked on at various times in primary school - kids can be incredibly cruel and manipulative - even from the earliest age, so don’t be fobbed off. trying (quite hard) to find anything at all positive in this, i’ve never met anyone worth a damn who wasn’t picked on in school - i reckon the bullies are the ones who end up leading dull, pitiful lives - because they have absolutely no capacity for empathy or openness. big hugs for harry - and send him love from two big 12-year-old twins - a boy and a girl (and their mum)

I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this. I hope you’re able to come up with a fitting solution. hugs.

That is so sad! Your poor baby! I hope the teachers step up and take some action with these boys that are doing this. You must feel so helpless. I’ve often wondered how I’ll handle situations like this in the future. Mine are only two now, but already one of mine gets picked on by other kids because he’s so sensitive and shy. I want nothing more than to protect him, but at the same time I want to teach him to stand up for himself. It’s hard!