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What Supernanny would do about the child that spits
By ella | September 12, 2006
For the first few days both boys cried when I dropped them off at school and pre-school respectively. But it didn’t last long and I had five mornings last week to myself. Three of those I spent shopping. I took the baby and wandered around the shops feeling like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders, stopping for coffee in Starbucks while I fed the baby and read a magazine, enjoying the admiring glances at my incredibly handsome baby as he made cooing raspberry-type noises. The children came home tired but seeming to have enjoyed their busy mornings and we had lunch and vegged our way through the afternoons with me piling them into an early bed for them to sleep (mostly) soundly until the morning.
Sadly it hasn’t lasted. Today my eldest’s teacher pulled me aside and said that she didn’t think Harry was ‘ready’ to do the full days which start next week as he seemed too tired. He’s always tired. I’ve had him tested for diabetes and since it was negative I have put his tiredness down to other factors: it’s hot, he had a couple of late nights, he’s had a busy week at school. But the truth is, his tiredness is exceptional. He would nap for a couple of hours each day (and did until quite recently) and still sleep all night. He’s four and three quarters for goodness sake! If only he’d been such a keen sleeper as a baby. Clearly he’s spoken to his baby brother about the Baby Rules because Ben has decided he won’t sleep much at all either. [We haven’t had much sleep at all for the last few nights. Ben has been awake every couple of hours, Harry has been having nightmares and waking me and then Ben who then wants feeding to get back to sleep. On Saturday night I had approximately 22 minutes sleep and that was from 12.18am to 12.38am. Ben has also decided that falling asleep in the car last week to and from all that shopping was MUCH better than having to go in a cot and has gone on cot-strike. I’m not a fan of co-sleeping but I will do it if it means I get some sleep, but how exactly its advocates imagine co-sleeping works during the day with two busy, devious small children downstairs I don’t know.]
Back to today: when Harry got home we had a relaxing afternoon with low-key activities and a bit more television than we might otherwise have. By suppertime though he was spoiling for trouble, picking on William, getting a little rougher with the baby (or trying to) than I cared for and then when I called a halt to that he decided to start spitting. When I told him to stop, he spat again. When I got down to his level and reiterated the forthcoming punishment if he didn’t stop (how Supernanny!) he spat right in my face. Twice.
The pre-school teacher tried to persuade me that he should stay another term at pre-school because he was ‘immature’. Because he’s four and to me that means he should be immature, I felt it was more important that he should start school with his friends. His school teacher’s comments today about him being tired make me wonder if he is actually playing up in class rather than exhibiting classic tiredness signs like yawning and she is attributing it to tiredness when in fact he is just being a naughty little boy. I will find out more tomorrow. I won’t be asking her if he spat in her face.
Meanwhile I have cleaned up the spit, sent him to bed without his pudding (NEVER use food as punishment! Except when it works!) after an hour-long tantrum having previously removed most of his favourite toys one by one as punishment (oh god, is psychological punishment really any ‘better’ than physical punishment? Can’t I just let my children run free and develop their own wild, creative personalities?). So I sit here gratefully with a cup of tea hoping, really hoping, that tomorrow will be better.
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Read More:
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Categories: Parenting
13 Comments
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Tomorrow WILL be better. It WILL.
Sending a big mommy hug of support your way…
Oh honey - I am so sorry about all of this. Do know that there are many of us that have been through very similar things. My Harry spits only when he is so mad - he can’t think of anything else to do. Ever heard the expression “spitting mad”? I truly think that’s what my Harry is. It’s only happened two or three times, but he has been REALLY upset.
As far as the full day thing. It’s an adjustment, but he probably can handle it. THey should rest after lunch which would help.
For the record: The first month of school is a large transition. The kids will be really emotional. Harrison and Ella cry at least once a day hysterically over seemingly insignificant things.
Good luck!
Back in the day, my Dad hocked up a big ole loogie, and spat it right into my brother’s face - because he was a spitter. Don’t do that. LOL Sounds like you handled it just fine. You sound like a fantastic Mommy!
I’m sorry things are so hard. It sounds like Harry is tired in an overwhelmed sort of way. Maybe an immediate, early bedtime as punishment for evening naughtiness would kill two birds with one stone? He might get more sleep and you’d get to avoid an hour-long struggle the escalates to spitting.
(I don’t really know what I’m talking about since my Tommy is only 2.5, so please just take this as a random idea that popped into my head and not advice or criticism or anything. Seems to me that you did exactly the right thing at the time.)
Oh, and you have Starbucks in England!? Sheesh! They’ve taken over everywhere. I love their coffee, so I can’t really complain, but there are FIVE Starbucks within a mile of my house. Do they do their seasonal pumpkin-spice latte in the fall there? Yummy! I seem to remember my English cousins asking us to send tins of pumpkin to them since you only have fresh ones available.
I’m sorry things are so hard. It sounds like Harry is tired in an overwhelmed sort of way. Maybe an immediate, early bedtime as punishment for evening naughtiness would kill two birds with one stone? He might get more sleep and you’d get to avoid an hour-long struggle the escalates to spitting.
(I don’t really know what I’m talking about since my Tommy is only 2.5, so please just take this as a random idea that popped into my head and not advice or criticism or anything. Seems to me that you did exactly the right thing at the time.)
Oh, and you have Starbucks in England!? Sheesh! They’ve taken over everywhere. I love their coffee, so I can’t really complain, but there are FIVE Starbucks within a mile of my house. Do they do their seasonal pumpkin-spice latte in the fall there? Yummy! I seem to remember my English cousins asking us to send tins of pumpkin to them since you only have fresh ones available.
You know, some kids just need to have naps for longer than other kids. I know children who gave up naps altogether at two years old and others still taking them at 5 and 6 years. Heck, I could use a two-hour one myself just about every day, even with a full night’s sleep.
As far as evening goes, if you’re comfortable having your youngest sleep next to you, go for it. My eldest son did not sleep more than 20 minutes at a time during the night until I finally brought him into bed with me at age one. SAVED my life, it did, and believe me, I was no fan of the co-sleeping crowd either. I am a huge fan now. But no, it’s not for everybody. Having said that, we’ve just transitioned our two into their own beds and own room and they are doing very well, though I’m happy to report they still like to get up in the morning and come snuggle with me in bed!
Belle starts pre-school next week. I’m dreading the extra tiredness - because I WILL NOT let her sleep during the day as we are then up half the evening… I think it is normal though - if that’s any consolation. Have you read The Fat Mother’s Club? (Fat Mother? Fat women? can’t remember. Anyway - in their 2nd volume their kids start school and were hideously behaved for a few weeks but then seemed to settle. That’s my parenting bible so I guess it must be true.
Ah, I hate days like that. I’m having a day like that–my son hit my lip with his head during a tantrum this morning. Spitting would really push my buttons. I might have been tempted to spit back, terrible as that sounds.
Is there just one teacher? Maybe try another classroom and see if its a personality/fit issue?
I think they do adapt to the new routine, to the different experiences that they are being exposed to and their energy levels change too. I can’t remember so clearly with Rosie, but Jenny (4 tomorrow - yay!) started at the school nursery class last week and after the first day, when she was absolutely zonked, she’s coped with it much better this week.
That’s not to say we haven’t had tantrums too (from me as well as her)!
Toby spits at me because he knows he will get a reaction out of me. I hate it!!
The last couple of days have been better, earlier supper, quicker bedtime, early to bed. Still tantrums and tears but not such bad behaviour. I can live with that!
Oh I hope it’s better. You deserve a raft of Starbucks mornings and afternoons after such a bumpy ride initially.
why shouldn’t a child in reception be tired (and cranky)? it’s a huge shift for them and it’s absurd that a teacher shouldn’t get this. i used to pick up from school even at the end of reception and find my daughter fast asleep on a pile of cushions.
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