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Troublemaker
By ella | August 3, 2006
At toddler group I am talking with a friend about our children starting school in a few weeks. She leans in conspiratorially. ‘I’ve been meaning to tell you, when I saw Amy (the headteacher at preschool) last week, she was telling me how there were three boys going up to big school who were going to be “a nightmare for the teacher” because when they are together they are so badly behaved.’ She looks very pleased with this information, more than gossip because it came straight from the horse’s mouth. She goes on, ‘Amy said how fed up she had been with their behaviour last term because they were just so awful together. When they went on a school trip, two of them were behaving so badly that she said they ruined it for everyone else.’
‘Oh, who on earth was she talking about?’
‘Well apparently one of them is Henry and the other is his friend Jack.’
I’m confused.
‘She didn’t mention the third boy but I’m sure it is Sam.’
I think quickly. ‘But Sam isn’t going to our village school,’ I say.
‘Oh, then she must mean Johnnie.’
I feel a catch in my throat. ‘But Johnnie only just joined preschool and he only goes a couple of mornings a week.’
‘But there aren’t any other boys going on to big school.’
I feel a creeping sensation. There is silence - my shame and her embarrassment hanging in the air - as we both realise that the third boy must be my son.
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Categories: Parenting
11 Comments
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Oh, horrors!
And really, given the gossip the teacher is doing, my take would be that the teacher is behaving in a negative manner (perhaps unconciously - girls are cute, boys are bad?), toward the boys, and they are acting out because that’s what her expectations are. Not being there, this is, of course, just a guess.
Kids generally do what you expect them to, if you’ve made your expectations clear.
How unprofessional of the headteacher to talk like that to someone else. Perhaps your friend will also learn that gossiping hurts people.
Teri, that was my thought, that the boys were just being boys, but she had a problem with that. Why she would single out the boys this year I don’t know, perhaps she feels like that about groups of boys each year.
And Harriet, yes, after I got over the shock of hearing what the head had said I also realised that I like hearing gossip from my friend so it serves me right that I was, unknown to my friend, the subject of it this time. It’s like celeb magazines, I know that reading them encourages the market for intrusive paparazzi pictures but it doesn’t stop me reading them.
This is appalling. I would talk to the headteacher at once and ask her if she was referring to my child. She’ll probably deny it but at least it will stop her discussing things like this again.
Anyway, I’m sure if it is Harry (and it may well not be him) that he is just being a typical boy.
Welcome to my world…..
How unprofessional for a teacher to gossip that way!!! God forbid we have wonderful, active boys who we don’t medicate into submission. Right? Geez. Your son is amazing, I’m sure, and good for him for being a kid and not a robot. Shame on that teacher.
Very poor of the teacher! I would be gutted if I found out that my daughter’s teacher was talking about ANY of her class that way.
If a teacher has a problem with your child, she should be talking to YOU, not everybody else. I hope you let the teacher know that you are not only open to open and honest discussions with her about how your children are doing, you EXPECT it. (And besides - it sounds like your “friend” is kind of speculating here — she doesn’t really KNOW who the three boys are, she’s guessing.) This kind of thing just gets my goat.
Yeah, I’m feeling pretty mad about it all. My friend has asked me not to talk to the teacher because it would become clear that she had divulged something told to her in confidence. Also, Harry has officially left the school now. However William is still there and I plan to talk to the head next term/semester about his progress. I shall do it in such a way that she will suspect that I heard what she said about Harry.
The most important thing is that 1) my friend will not repeat the story to anyone else and 2) the teachers at his new school will not be aware of this troublemaker label he had at preschool (if indeed it is him) and therefore no-one else has heard about this and he can start school without any ‘form’ as far as the teachers and other parents are concerned. And 3) the head will suspect I heard what she said and this will hopefully stop her ever saying anything like this to another parent again.
Shameful. My boy is a wonderful boy, bright, attentive and needs a challenge. He’s going to do brilliantly at school.
So then what did you do? I would have slapped her in the face like they would do on Desperate Housewives LOL
Your boy is probably quite intelligent and talented (look who his mother is!). Gifted children do not equal EASY children - they need challenge and stimulation and if they become bored, they create their own stimulation. I’m not sure how this is done in the UK. If you were in the States, I would advise you to find out if his new school has a program for gifted children — and then insist that he is tested as soon as he is old enough. It’s important to steer him onto the right track.