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Status Anxiety - what a croc
By ella | December 8, 2004
When I first moved here neighbours quickly set me up with other mums with children of a similar age. Social isolation can be one of the worst things about being stuck at home with babies and I had been concerned about moving and losing my friends and fellow mums.
One of the first people I met was Sarah who had just moved to a neighbouring village. She and I seemed really similar, with babies of a similar age and I was really pleased to find someone so near that I could become friends with. But as I increasingly struggled to cope with two small babies, I’m ashamed to say that I started to feel increasingly resentful of Sarah. At first I couldn’t understand why, but then I began to realise that I had STATUS ANXIETY!
A timely book of the same name by Alain de Botton explained that if you surround yourself with people of a similar or lower status in life you will be happier than if you are surrounded by people who have more than you (especially materially). So the fact that Sarah had a bigger house and more money, but in particular, as far as I was concerned, more help with the children gave me reason to be envious. But I felt it was more than simple jealousy: she and I didn’t have a level playing field. We didn’t even share the same playing field. When bemoaning the tiredness and endless chores that go with having a new baby, I just couldn’t see how she could be that tired if she had the opportunity to sleep all day, or to get away from the chores and go out without the children.
The fact that I was struggling with postpartum depression may have had a lot to do with it. But the only way I felt that I could cope with the differences in our “status” was NOT TO BECOME FRIENDS WITH SARAH. How crap is that? Or is that human nature? So I held back on making a perfectly good friendship simply because of my own insecurities. Ha! Serves me right!
But a book has legitimised my worries, SO THAT’S OK THEN.
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Categories: Parenting
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